No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bring me that man meat
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
