im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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