Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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