I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
