3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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