I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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