Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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