Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
