Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
