Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
