we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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