You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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