the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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