i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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