When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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