FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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