What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize