I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
