i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
