first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
