If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
