Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
