I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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