Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
