I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
