i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
