So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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