thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
