i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
