i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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