god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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