Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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