Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
