I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize