Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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