you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
