You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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