I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
