yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
