I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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