Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
