I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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