I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
