wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
