the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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