I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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