She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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