it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
