Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
