guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize