how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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