its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
