I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
