Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
