"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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