Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
