It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
