When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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