My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
