my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
someone owes me an orgasm
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
