i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
