So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
