wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
